Waiting... Faithfully

As 2010 comes to a close we want to share a story with you that encompasses our year, our hearts and why we'll spend 2011 working just as hard to bring the hope and love of Jesus Christ to hundreds of families with stories just like this one.

Sometimes it’s easier not to know.  Because my heart is broken.  It has been a long time, but tonight I sit here with a broken heart.  The craziness of the day has kept me at arms length from my real emotions, but as I sit here in silence, tears running down my face, I can’t help but be overwhelmed.  All I can do is thank God for allowing my heart to break for the things that break His.   I’m not deserving, but blessed.  Not worthy, but loved.  Not asking, but rich.  Not justified, but saved.

Bianca, the woman I met in Juárez today, is not alone, but lonely.  Not deserving, but poor.  Not abandoned, but defeated.  As I stood with her today, tears streaming down my face, I gained a real perspective.  I felt that for a moment in time, God gave me His perspective…exactly what he sees when he looks at His children living in poverty.  A real picture of why He has my family living in this crazy place, doing this with my life.  He showed me His love and compassion for this family.  And shared with me the burden of His heart.  Though we could offer little more than hugs, words of empathy, and a simple prayer, He showed me how important it is to live this life as a messenger of His love and His hope.  Living with these images etched on my heart, I will never be the same.

Her story is simple.  I will try to convey with words the images that are etched on my heart.  I walked into the home of this family of seven and my stomach immediately dropped.  Two rooms in a makeshift structure made of cinderblocks and scrap wood…the wood the covered the roof sat upon the walls, leaving huge gaps where the wind could whip through.  There were two entrances to the home, one covered with an old mattress box spring and the other with a wool blanket that blew in the wind.  There were a few chairs, a beat up styrofoam cooler without a cover that served as a refrigerator, a mattress on the floor for a bed, and foam squares for the kids that couldn’t fit in the bed.  The cold concrete and dirt floor had no covering and tar dripped from the ceiling in places they had tried to protect themselves from the rain that poured in.  As I talked to Bianca in my broken Spanish, the tortilla she had been warming on the one working burner on the hot plate burned, and I couldn’t help but wonder if that was all she had to eat for that day.  She was 25 years old, with five beautiful children ranging in age from 18 months to 9 years old.  Her husband had just returned to them, after being in jail in El Paso for 10 months for working illegally to try to earn money for their family.  “In Juárez,” she told me, “there are no jobs.  Every day he looks for work.  But there are no jobs for him to do to earn money for our family.”

She walks nearly three miles roundtrip, four times a day, to bring her kids to and from school.  She looks exhausted, but continues to smile, even as she explains the hardships of her life to us.  She tells us how thankful she is for the small space heater they have next to the mattress that the family sleeps on.  When they bring the foam cushions and the heater next to the mattress, all seven of them might be able to sleep through the night.

As we cried and prayed, they smiled and nodded…they know they are hungry and know they are cold, but are we more burdened because of our perspective?  From a mother to a mother…my heart is sad when I can’t buy the newest outfits or clothes for my kids.  I cannot even wrap my brain around sitting in a makeshift shelter - not being able to give them a warm blanket to sleep with.  Or a tortilla to eat.  Or a coat to keep them warm when they play outside.

So how can I reconcile in my brain what I saw today?  How can I go from standing in a home with nothing more than an old bed frame covering the doorway to the doorway of my daughter’s school in a matter of an hour?  How can I be still in God’s presence and trust Him to fight my enemies when these images of poverty and injustice flood my mind and my heart?  When my heart is burdened for what I saw?  For my feelings of wanting to help everyone, rather than lifting them up in prayer and trusting that God will find a way to take care of this family.  I’m confused.  I’m heart-broken.  I’m not the answer.  I’m not their hope.  I never was. 

All I can do is stand confident in the fact that God has brought our family for a reason.  It was His plan for us to become a part of these families’ lives and them a part of ours.  It was His plan for us to write this story, and His plan for those of you that have partnered with us to read it.  Today I pray that Bianca would know Christ’s truth…that she is not worthy or deserving or justified in and of herself.  But that she is loved, protected, guarded, cherished, and saved by a God that is so much bigger than her circumstances.  That there is a God that is bigger than the daily struggle to feed her family and the nightly struggle to stay warm enough to survive.  That there is a God whose heart breaks for her and for her family.  And that there are people here on this side of the border who may not always have answers, but who are filled with love and compassion, and faith in a God that can overcome all.
-Katy Skarlatos