Thoughts on changing roles from Casas por Cristo staff member to mother of two and her new role in ministry.
A little over a year ago, Jason and I became pregnant. I was excited thinking about
taking our baby across the border into México and having him or her beside us
as we led teams. I had hoped that
Casas would let me continue to work there part time in the office, because I
love working. I love being
productive, seeing things get accomplished, and having something in my life
that’s “mine." My work. My name attached to my
title. I enjoyed being a partial
bread-winner, and I liked feeling like I was contributing something to this
home, financially. I didn’t
necessarily love the actually process
of building a home, but I LOVED building relationships with the teams and the
families for whom we were building. That was the best part of all!
And then, at our 8-week appointment, a routine ultrasound
surprised us when there was not one baby, but TWO! That changed everything. I knew immediately that I couldn’t work part-time with two
babies who would require my attention and care. I couldn’t be on a worksite, helping with the build, with
two babies strapped to me. That little ultrasound changed everything. At the time, Casas had to cut staff because of the decline
in the number of houses we were building, and I reluctantly, with tears in my
eyes, submitted my letter saying I would take a voluntary lay-off. I was just 13 weeks pregnant when I
completed my last day in the office. I spent the majority of my pregnancy slightly bored with life as a
homemaker. I still wanted my life
to matter for God, for the Kingdom,
and to be honest….for me.
The babies arrived late November, and the first two months
were a whirlwind of exhaustion. I
felt like I was in survival mode, and if I was able to take a shower and get 3
consecutive hours of sleep, then I felt accomplished for the day. But once the babies fell into a better
routine, the reality of life as a mom really set in. I spent my time changing diapers….no longer changing
lives across the border. I heard
someone at church refer to me as “the twin’s mom”…and that’s when I realized I
was losing my name and was becoming the adjective used to describe me. There were moments at home when the
boys would smile, or cuddle with me, and all felt right with the world. But there were just as many moments
when I would hear Jason speak of something happening at Casas, and my heart
broke a little that I felt trapped in the walls of our home, caring for babies
who we felt were still too young to take their first trip to México.
I’m sure there are moms who are reading this, silently
chastising me for not just loving every single minute of being a mommy, but I
would be lying if I said that every minute was glamorous and everything I had
hoped it would be. Jason and I set
out to make one baby. God decided
to give us two, so although we were along for the ride, it’s not exactly what we
envisioned when we said, “let’s try to have a baby.” Sometimes I get sad at everything I had to give up in order
to care for these boys, while Jason gets to continue being “Jason” to people
outside of this home. And the
first time the staff got together for a “staff” photo, while I stayed to the
side with the babies, I got tears in my eyes. It was like seeing part of a family that I wasn’t as close
to anymore. I used to lead teams
in México, and now I’m “Jason’s wife and the twin’s mom”…and someone whom I’m sure
new people have a hard time imagining could once drywall a room as well as any
guy and could stucco like a whiz.
BUT- in May, we finally felt our boys were old enough to
venture to México. Their first
“build” was on home 4,000. As we
approached the worksite, our very white babies with the blue eyes drew the
mother and grandmother of the family, and they stayed near those boys all
day. They held them, played with
them, and opened their old, pallet home to them for their naps. They looked for old toys for them to
play with and used their blankets on the ground to protect them from the hot
sand. While we hovered over those
boys, we chatted. Without being
distracted by the need to lead a team, I had uninterrupted time with the women
in this family to talk about our children, our families, and later, Jesus. Being a mom is important in México, and with these two
boys, I was in the “club." These
women could now understand me better, and just having those boys
present opened doors to conversations and relationships that had previously
been difficult to crack. I feel
like the ministry Jason and I can have is so much more enhanced now. And two babies? Well, people just seem to come out of
the woodwork to see TWO babies! The attention they garner is just more of an opportunity for conversations to be had.
And on the flipside of that, my heart was melty as I saw my
boys being passed from one family member to the next. My boys will be raised on a mission field with people who
look different and speak differently than them. They will be raised with children from another culture. They will be raised seeing their daddy
pouring himself into service and their mommy speaking another language as she
interacts with the families. My
children will not know a time when loving through actions and words is not a part of every day life. They will get to see the love of Christ
played out in a very real way all the time. Service will be normal for them. I love that.
I think, ultimately, that being a mom is all about
sacrifice. I can see now just how
many things I’ve had to surrender in order to raise these babies that God has
blessed us with. I don’t love that
I’m slowly losing my “name” or that a majority of my day is spent changing
diapers. I may miss being able to
go to work or feeling like I’m contributing financially to my family. But in the overall scheme of things, it
really doesn’t matter. If these
are the things I need to sacrifice in order to raise two young men who will
chose to love Jesus and use their lives as living testaments to Him, then
anything I’m giving up now will be worth it. I have two mission fields now. One in México and one in our little house on Nashville Ave.
But if you see me, feel free to refer to me as Janette.
No comments:
Post a Comment